Look in my : Eyes :

You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life-

While cleaning the garage this past weekend, I came across a handful of Enduro – Mountain Bike race medals and tattered bibs from the nearly 4 years I spent living in the United Kingdom. I was preparing to pitch them in the bin outside when curiosity overcame me, I sat down on the warm west-facing front porch and started to look through them. On these worn and faded relics, I found a record of a life that seemed so impossibly exciting to me that I could hardly believe it had once been mine.

With my Son carelessly riding his bike with some neighborhood mates, I sat there, coffee in hand and reminisced about my life competing in England. When I meet fellow cyclist at a local coffee shop early on a Sunday morning, a recent swap meet or my favourite MTB trail head, they invariably inquire why I don’t compete at the same level now. The “thing” is, during nearly all of my years there, my heart longed to be somewhere else. It seems incredible when I think about it now, watching my Son creating long fluid skid marks in the road, when I’m holding objects such as this Thetford Forest MTB Racing Series podium medal, serves only to remind me of the seemingly rare and blessed glimpse of my days spent there.

 
Sitting here on the porch, I lowered my head knowing that I was still living in a place, a place I had vowed to return to only as a visitor. Feeling the cool March sunset fading away, I began to ponder whether my heart was simply hard-wired for discontent no matter where I found myself – Sipping coffee and preying to nameless yearnings that could never be fulfilled in Omaha, Nebraska. Could I gradually begin to honor my present “circumstances” instead of succumbing to fleeting, yet persistent longings for some imaginary, unrealistic and unattainable future? Could I, a lifelong have to “win at all costs” competitor, trade my anywhere-but-here perspective for enthusiasm about the here and now?

Daily Meditation:

I tossed the medals and bibs in the trash bin and placed my stained streaked coffee mug on top, sealing the contents inside. Hooked our now warm and cozy beagle up to his leash, grabbed a sweatshirt from inside the garage door, and proceed to tear up the now quiet neighborhood with my Son.

CultFit No More