If you claim to be a real friend then be real in your soul. If you claim to be fake then be an enemy instead-
I was in my early 30’s when we first met. This particular marathon was in a beautiful and exotic part of war-torn Baghdad, Iraq. I did not like it from the start and it only got worse from there …
I nuzzled my way onto the starting line cocky, arrogant, and self-centered. I couldn’t stand the thought of having to run through the pack, outlasting the early sprinters and generally weaving through the pedestrians. Much to my dismay, I faded back 10 miles into this scorching hot race. This was just another marathon, but I was the same person.
And there I was at the next big race in Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan. The same person I was a year earlier followed me to this race as well …
It finally dawned on me, blonde hair and all, that it was I, who needed to change or else I would be my own worst enemy for the rest of my life. As I began to walk the path of meaningful change in my life, I came to realize my poor marathon performances were a metaphor for the way my life works. I can cast blame and run away from poor performances, although they will keep returning until I finally face them, and owe up to them.
Over the past three years of blogging. I tried at times, and failed more often than I like, to share with you, thinking out-loud, why these particular traits of me bother me so much.
Once I set out to change myself all those years ago, I started to notice that the “old” me doesn’t come around as much anymore. When these feelings do arise out of nowhere? I tap deeper into my inner compassion and gratitude … Noticing that in some ways, I have been trying to help myself all along, I was just to cocky, arrogant, and self-centered to notice.
When he worked, he really worked. But when he played, he really PLAYED-
What would you love to find time for, that you have been putting off for far too long? For me personally … My answer is nighttime Gravel Rides!
No matter what your current limitations may be and no matter how far away you might be from your dreams, you can be purposeful in how you spend and enjoy your time. Even if it’s just one Saturday evening that you’re able to set aside for yourself, and even if this one evening is simply spent cycling along moon light lit gravel roads in Nebraska … This is when my thoughts and actions connect.
Thank you Scott and Pell for organizing such a wonderful event!
A good traveller is one who knows how to travel with the mind-
What a jerk! I know, I just know that he cut me off in the pace line, on purpose none the less! Here I am, falling off the back of the pack … The race is over 20km in! Or is it?!?
Like you, I am an expert in regards to mind-reading. I used to walk through life ass-uming that if another person’s behavior caused me distress in any way, they must have intended to make me feel this way. Those filthy bastards!
I was addicted to attributing my negative motives and thoughts to someone else and their behavior. Why not – their actions did sting a little bit and they kinda pissed me off. My subjective (and biased) interpretation of other folks, rather than their behavior, finally made me lose my, cool.
Then something truly cool started to happen. It started with a deep breath, and then gently changing my inner dialog, slowly, patiently – I subdued the thoughts of starting a confrontation, replacing them with – “I won’t assume anything; These thoughts will pass” … “No mind-reading today, not now.”
Tuning into myself, rather than magnifying the stress when I was beginning to get upset, needing to address the other person, eyebrows furled, sweaty fists clenched … “It’s Saturday afternoon dude, the NHL and NBA playoffs are on, the sun is up! We’ll get ‘em next time around!”
Have a beautiful weekend friends and please take care!
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself-
A quick show of hands: Have you ever held onto the belief that you could change someone else’s behavior, if you were persistent and dedicated enough?
I witness this quite often with friends going to yoga class, working out together and the awesome folks I help out. Sadly, I have arrived at the conclusion that people only change when it’s rewarding for them to do so, and when they’re capable of it.
Rewarding and Capable – Interesting.
I have lived many years shrouded in the fallacy that “peer” pressure, being a “caring” friend pressure, will make those close to me change. I’m writing this morning to share with you these following thoughts – People only change when they’re ready to. If I want my friend to change, I have to figure out how they would be motivated to change, how change would benefit them.
On the subject of motivation and change – I offer up to you these two links. Have a beautiful day, and please take care!
Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant with the weak and wrong. Sometime in your life, you will have been all of these-
I would like to wrap the week up by not talking about “No“ … But rather two extremely powerful words, two words that transcend our overuse of “no.”
Showing empathy does not drain or deplete our true spirit, our friends. Nor does empathy weaken the strongest of family ties. Empathy empowers us with a special sense of togetherness, a powerful sense of being connected. Empathy, the ability to powerfully understand another person, is invaluable, in every relationship of our lives.
It feels good, doesn’t it? Satisfying and empowering, being on the receiving end of empathy. As parents, friends, yoga instructor(s), pilates even. A training partner at 5am on a rainy Saturday morning … Take a moment to pause and reflect on the people you have worked the hardest for in your life. The people who connect and powerfully understand – You.
I feel motivated, when I feel understood. How about you?!?
Nothing is so strong as gentleness. Nothing is so gentle as real strength-
“Slow down, you move too fast … Life, I love you, All is groovy.“
Can you recall the last time you were in love, with life? Noticing the subtle – yet profound flowers blossoming from the dormant grass below ?
During lunch with a close friend this past Friday, I struggled to put into words this exact thought: When was the last time you fell in love with life. All of us have become multitasking savants, hastily doing no fewer than three things at once. Making breakfast while texting about the NCAA tournament and updating a post we have been working on for a few weeks. Our minds are literally filled to capacity, overflowing with “things“. When does the Sun rise tomorrow? The Sun does rise – right? Why does Windows take so long to boot? What’s the forecast for this weekend? Am I out of shape? I look bloated! What if I perform poorly in yoga class, my next 5k? This latte is too much, are they stealing my debit card information? Will it snow tomorrow? I need to book an appointment to have my nails did – done – whatever? What time is it, do I have time to workout/run/swim?
Time is flat, circular and restrictive. We continually arrive back at the same point, with a gadget of some sort close by.
Can you recall the last time you went for a leisurely walk after dinner? The “garden of life” variety of walk that didn’t involve a pedometer, taking a selfie or tweeting to the masses the calories you burned, and all the “other” information we vitally need to live.
If you can name the song and artist that set the gentle tone for the post today,without using your Google Machine – You win a prize or something! All, truly is groovy!!!
Perhaps the less we have, the more we are required to brag-
Do you equate being active with being important? Ever write or say, “I matter” or “I ran a marathon in the morning, attended a fashionable yoga class at noon, and worked on my memories over a nice soy chai tea latte at Dumb Starbucks.”
Constantly being busy had always been a good “thing” in my life. I used to define myself, boast and brag in a pecksniffian manner, in regards to being able to plow through the most strenuous workouts, cycling for hours on end and running marathons on a whim … My issue with the term busy - was that I took it too far. I didn’t know when or how to stop, take a break from grinding myself into the dirt, telling my friends “no” when it came to registering for an event.
For the longest time, I simply failed at finding balance in my life or I flat-out choose to ignore it – Who wants to talk about balance anyways?!?
Recently, the cold Midwest weather called me to go for a brisk walk, instead of appearing busy – Yoga class, cycling, running around and writing. Going for a walk simply felt right. I didn’t have to show up somewhere to prove anything, to anyone.