There Will Never Be Another :You:

The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are-

Does our reflection in a mirror define who we really are? What about the mirror at work, in the car, the one that magically adds twenty pounds at the department store? Becoming uncomfortable in some way or another with our own behavior, as our thoughts and emotions gradually take over. This discomfort, what we feel out in public, maybe Is another other aspect of who we really are, perhaps this is even our authentic self?!?

How do we know which reflection is real? Thoughts and feelings that originate from the authentic self, while uncomfortable at times, also bring us peace when we pause to listen, and accommodate the wishes of this kind and gentle voice.

As someone who has felt guilty about my appearance in one way or another throughout life, I begin to feel deep resentment even as I’m feeling guilty. I find myself uncomfortable with this resentment because it isn’t “kind” nor is it any “good This identity I’m striving for. Although, if I begin to see that the resentment is actually telling me that I’m doing “things” out of guilt and a false sense of responsibility, that I don’t quite have the compassion to accommodate, or even the desire … I might even allow it to help me choose to stop obeying the guilt as if it were the only right thing to do.

After a few moments, a deep breath or two – Peace, and this Peace is all the evidence I need of my true authentic self.

Daily Meditation:

At what point do we stop asking what is right in our lives, and  start asking what is real?

CultFit Dock


Sweater – Weather -

To lose confidence in one’s body is to lose confidence in oneself-

Throughout our lives, our daily experiences feed into the deep, old sense of shame that grips us. We assign this ongoing feeling of shame to parts of our bodies that we see in a negative light. Ranging from feeling awkward in front co-workers and friends, feeling our of place running on the treadmill, to race day failures or even minor training oversight(s) can be attributed to simply not looking “right” … Only serving to feed from our inner trough of self-hatred.

Have you ever blamed a poor performance, or failed to show up to an event because you were ashamed to be seen? Soul sapping thoughts that you are too “out of shape“, I don’t belong or deserve to be here with all these “fit” folks? When we lose confidence in ourselves, we instantly surrender to failure, instead of pursuing what our hearts passionately want to do. Why is this so?

My battered and beaten body is hands down, the biggest target of my ever so critical inner voice. No matter where I stand in life, it continually provides feedback of my many imperfections and keeps me from fully relaxing in my own skin

Daily Meditation:

Each morning when we wake, we are afforded the beautiful opportunity to hide or reveal our true selves. When the harsh “voice” is telling us to keep our sweaters on or to stay home on race day … Be brave, be bold my friends – for you truly belong in the here and now.

Have a blessed weekend and please take care!

CultFit Belong


First Song

That long-ago morning at Ruth’s farm
when I hid in the wisteria
and watched hummingbirds. I thought
the ruby or gold that gleamed on their throats
was the honeyed blood of flowers.
They would stick their piercing beaks
into a crown of petals until their heads
disappeared. The blossoms blurred into wings,
and the breathing I heard
was the thin, moving stems of wisteria.
That night, my face pressed against the window,
I looked out into the dark
where the moon drowned in the willows
by the pond. My heart, bloodstone,
turned. That long night, the farm,
those jeweled birds, all these gone years.
The horses standing quiet and huge
in the moon-crossing blackness.

- Joseph Stroud

CultFit Song


Nebraska :Ground:

Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm-

It is extremely difficult to discuss failure, especially for someone like myself.

Take a look around this morning – A lot of folks like to boast about their weekend triumphs. Raising my hand, I fully admit that I more comfortable talking about where I excel, rather than identifying any potential weaknesses I may have. Primarily – Navigation and attention to the provided cue sheets. Luckily these guys helped me out a bit:

Ride 001

150+ miles on the harshest of open roads is relatively “easy“. Failure on the other hand, is a painful and powerful experience. It’s not easy getting lost around Waverly, Nebraska. Making the conscious decision to swallow my pride and limp back to the starting point – Off course. However, being open and accepting of the moment allowed me to build an even stronger foundation, for the next time out – Omaha Jackrabbit!

Daily Meditation:

In the moment, it may not seem like it, although each time we encounter a setback during a ride or “whatever” in life  We are that much closer to doing it right the next go around.

I would like to thank my friend Scott for sharing his inspiring photos from Saturday – Thank You! For more pics of the Gravel Worlds, please click HERE.

Ride 004


I’m :A: Song

When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun-

Daily Meditation:

Here’s to good ole’ Americana, caring friends + family, and Gravel Riding! Take care and have an amazing weekend!


the spill

the jock’s horse
the 7 horse
clipped the heels
of the horse
in front of
him

stumbled and
fell
throwing the
jock
over its
head
and onto the
track before
some
oncoming
horses

most of
which
avoided the
jock’s
still
form

except for
the 9
horse
who gave him
one step
in the middle
of his
back

you could
see
the hoof
dig
in

then the
field was
past
and the
ambulance was
on its
way

the jock wore
Kelly green
silks,
black
sleeves.

3 or 4
people were now
gathered around
the
still
jock.
as the ambulance
moved in

the man behind
me
said to his
companion
“let’s go get’
a
beer.”

- Charles Bukowski

CultFit Spill


Crazy They Call :Me:

Shine your soul with the same
egoless humility as the rainbow
and no matter where you go
in this world or the next,
love will find you, attend you, and bless you-

Here’s the real deal folks, when ever I hear that I should do “something”, my resistance ramps up. For example, as a child, when I was told I had to practice my hand writing (Catholic schooling – go figure), Guess what happened? I never wanted to, and I have the scars to prove it! It should come as no surprise, that when I was introduced to how wonderful yoga and mindfulness are  I threw up my defenses and prepared for a fight.

Although, “something” keeps pulling me back to center. I have studied enough texts, read many more books, attended enough workshops (not in Bulgaria though … ), and practiced enough to know that mindfulness and yoga help(s). However, yoga and mindfulness are not the magical cure-all to every challenge we face in life.

I fell prey at the Gravel Worlds one hot breezy day last August to one particular mindfulness practice notion – That by practicing mindfulness you will magically and instantly feel relaxed – Chill. That may happen, although as I learned, the hard way, most likely it will not. By simply smiling and being fully open to the present moment, is truly what matters. I don’t practice meditation to get better at meditation. I practice meditation to wake up to this beautiful world. Think about this for a moment please … Don’t practice to get better, simply be you.

Registering for a 150+ mile gravel ride and participating in a 150+ gravel ride are two different things. I lamented: I think, I’ll take a week off of meditating and practicing yoga leading up to the race, sort of like I used to say I’d taper my training and “carbo load” (<— whatever this is), the week prior to the event. What I found out was, the conditions of my environment did not have to be perfect, that it’s fine to practice informally, and for a blonde haired dude like myself – on a complete whim, even right now. I didn’t have to taper and load to have a good ride, and I certainly don’t have to wait until I have a spare 22 minutes during the day to practice mindfulness and yoga.

Daily Meditation:

What if I’m not doing it right? I don’t feel a lot of warmth and kindness toward myself right now. I’m trying to fabricate and generate all this good will toward myself and, and … Damn it! I’m just not feeling it! Sounds familiar huh?

Artificial, fleeting feelings of self-love by trying to stay positive, race day pep talks Dear readers, after all the abuse and pain I have subjected myself to, I have arrived to the conclusion that – It’s enough to simply have the intention to be kind to your self, simply being in the present moment, no matter what may happen next.

CultFit Perspective